Sometimes I think about how many times I watered myself down just so other people would feel more comfortable around me.
How many times did I laugh off my dreams before somebody else could? How many times did I say, "Yeah, maybe one day," when deep down I was already picturing the whole thing in my head?
The business.
The life.
The feeling.
The freedom.
The version of me I wanted to become.
I think people saw me as unrealistic for a long time. Maybe even delusional, honestly.
And look, maybe I did sound crazy sometimes. There I was with barely enough money, mentally exhausted, raising kids and trying to survive life, while still talking about beautiful homes, businesses, peace, purpose, and creating a completely different life for myself.
Even then, something inside me refused to let the dream go.
That's the strange thing about vision.
It stays.
Even when life gets messy.
Even when your confidence disappears.
Even when you start questioning yourself.
Even when other people question you, too.
The Things People Said
Over the years, I heard all the usual things.
"You need a real job."
"That sounds risky."
"You should focus on stability first."
"How are you going to afford that?"
Honestly, some of those comments got to me more than I liked to admit, because when you're already overwhelmed on the inside, hearing doubt from the people around you feels so much heavier.
So eventually I stopped talking about my dreams so openly. I hadn't stopped believing in them, I was just tired of explaining them.
Tired of feeling silly for wanting more from life.
Tired of acting like my ideas were just little thoughts when, in reality, they felt enormous inside me.
So I Built It Quietly
Instead, I started building things quietly in my mind.
While making lunches.
While driving kids around.
While folding laundry.
While trying to hold myself together most days.
Honestly, I think that's when something started changing in me.
The moment I stopped needing everyone else to understand the vision, I finally allowed myself to believe in it.
The truth is, most people can only meet you from the level they've met themselves. If someone has spent their entire life surviving, your dreams will probably sound unrealistic to them, and I understand that now.
I also realised I couldn't keep shrinking myself every time someone didn't understand where I was trying to go. I couldn't keep abandoning my intuition just because somebody else couldn't see the bigger picture yet.
So I Stopped Asking for Permission
Slowly, I stopped asking for permission. I didn't do it loudly or dramatically. I just did it quietly.
Quietly backing myself.
Quietly believing there could be more for me.
Quietly choosing not to give up on the version of myself I could feel trying to emerge beneath all the stress, exhaustion, and survival mode.
Honestly? I still have moments where fear creeps in.
Moments where I wonder what the hell I'm doing.
Moments where I question myself.
Moments where I feel emotionally exhausted trying to balance motherhood, healing, life, and building something meaningful all at once.
The difference now is that I keep going anyway.
I didn't suddenly become fearless. I just finally realised nobody is coming to hand me permission to build the life I want.
If I stayed inside the same environments, the same conversations, the same conditioning, and the same fear, I would stay the same version of myself forever.
That thought scared me far more than failure ever could.
I'll probably talk more about that in another journal entry, because learning how our environment, energy, stress levels, and the people around us shape our mindset genuinely changed my life.
Be well, me loves, and I'll see you in the next journal entry.
Love Medz x
