The Journal

At Some Point, I Stopped Asking for Permission.

Sometimes I think about how many times I watered myself down just so other people would feel more comfortable around me.

How many times did I laugh off my dreams before somebody else could? How many times did I say, "Yeah, maybe one day," when deep down, I was already picturing the whole thing in my head?

The business.
The life.
The feeling.
The freedom.
The version of me I wanted to become.

I think people saw me as unrealistic for a long time. Maybe even delusional, honestly.

And look… maybe I did sound crazy sometimes. Sitting there with barely enough money, mentally exhausted, raising kids, trying to survive life, while still talking about beautiful homes, businesses, peace, purpose, and creating a completely different life for myself.

But even then, something inside me refused to let the dream go.

That's the strange thing about vision.
It stays.

Even when life gets messy.
Even when your confidence disappears.
Even when you start questioning yourself.
Even when other people question you, too.

The Things People Said

Over the years, I heard all the usual things.

"You need a real job."
"That sounds risky."
"You should focus on stability first."
"How are you going to afford that?"

And honestly, some of those comments got to me more than I liked to admit. Because when you're already overwhelmed internally, hearing doubt from the people around you feel heavier.

So eventually, I stopped talking about my dreams so openly. Not because I stopped believing in them. I just got tired of explaining them.

Tired of feeling silly for wanting more from life.
Tired of acting like my ideas were just little thoughts when, in reality, they felt enormous inside me.

So, I Built It Quietly

So instead, I started quietly building things in my mind.

While making lunches.
While driving kids around.
While folding laundry.
While emotionally trying to hold myself together most days.

And honestly, I think that's when something started changing in me.

The moment I stopped needing everyone else to understand the vision, I finally allowed myself to believe in it.

Because the truth is, most people can only meet you from the level they've met themselves. If someone has spent their entire life surviving, your dreams will probably sound unrealistic to them and I understand that now.

But I also realised I couldn't keep shrinking myself every time someone else didn't understand where I was trying to go. I couldn't keep abandoning my intuition simply because somebody else couldn't see the bigger picture yet.

So, I Stopped Asking for Permission

So slowly, I stopped asking for permission.
Not loudly.
Not dramatically.
Just quietly.

Quietly backing myself.
Quietly believing there could be more for me.
Quietly choosing not to give up on the version of myself I could feel trying to emerge beneath all the stress, exhaustion, and survival mode.

Honestly? I still have moments where fear creeps in.

Moments where I wonder what the hell I'm doing.
Moments where I question myself.
Moments where I feel emotionally exhausted trying to balance motherhood, healing, life, and building something meaningful all at once.

But I think the difference now is that I keep going anyway.

Not because I suddenly became fearless. But because I finally realised nobody is coming to hand me permission to build the life I want.

Honestly if I stayed inside the same environments, the same conversations, the same conditioning, and the same fear, I would remain the same version of myself forever.

That thought scared me far more than failure ever could.

I'll probably talk more about that in another journal entry because learning how our environment, energy, stress levels, and the people around us shape our mindset genuinely changed my life.

Be well me loves and see you in the next journal entry.