The Journal

What Happened Between 22 & Nearly a Decade Later

Hi Loves,

When I look back now, I understand why the message didn't land when I was 22. Life hadn't cracked me open yet. I was still young enough to think things would somehow work themselves out. Still trying to have fun, be young, be a mum, survive adulthood, all at the same time. I wasn't sitting there searching for healing or some deep spiritual awakening. I was living my life. Like any other 22-year-old.

Or at least trying to.

What happened between 22 & 30 was life. Real life. The kind that changes you from the inside out, whether you're ready for it or not.

There were years where life felt unbelievably heavy. Years when I wasn't thinking about manifestation, mindset, or "high vibes." I was thinking about survival and about getting through the next day. About protecting my kids. About trying to hold myself together mentally while everything around me felt like it was falling apart.

I experienced domestic violence. I experienced leaving. I experienced what it feels like to lose yourself inside survival mode for so long that you barely recognise who you are anymore.

Homelessness. Refuge life. Financial stress. Heartbreak. Carrying kids while emotionally carrying the weight of the world at the same time.

The thing people don't really tell you about survival mode is that eventually it just becomes your normal. You stop asking yourself if you're okay because life doesn't really pause long enough for you to sit down and fall apart properly.

The kids still need feeding. People still need you. Bills still exist. Life keeps moving. So you keep moving too.

That became my life for a long time.

Just keep going.
Keep surviving.
Keep pushing through.

From the outside, I probably looked strong. But internally? I was exhausted. Not just physically. Soul exhausted. The kind of exhaustion that comes from constantly carrying emotional weight while pretending you're coping, because you don't really have another option.

I became the person who handled everything. The person who kept going no matter what. The person who carried everyone else emotionally while quietly abandoning herself in the process.

Somewhere in all those years, I think life humbled me enough to be ready to hear the message differently, finally. Because by 30, I had lived.

I had experienced pain. Loss. Fear. Rebuilding. Starting over. The kind of moments that force you to question everything you thought life was supposed to be and when those same words found me again years later, they landed somewhere completely different inside me.

The Shift

Not because the message changed.

Because I did.

Suddenly, I could see how much survival mode had shaped the way I thought about myself, my future, my worth, my life. I could see how much fear I'd been living inside for years without even realising it.

For the first time, I began to understand that maybe my circumstances weren't the end of my story.

Maybe I was allowed to rebuild.
Maybe I was allowed to dream bigger than what I'd survived.
Maybe I was allowed to create a softer life after living through hard things.

That awareness changed me. Not overnight. Not perfectly. But deeply.

Honestly? I think that was the real beginning of everything.

Thank you for walking this walk with me. Your support, presence, and belief in this journey mean more than you'll ever know.

See you in the next journal entry.

Love Medz x